Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Boulevard of broken dreams.
They have dreams. We have dreams. You have dreams. I have dreams.
Dreams; a wild fancy or hope that we all as human being, often indulged in. As I was walking back home today, I realized that I have dreams that have yet come to past, and I laughed over the dreams I shared when I was younger.
I remember when I was studying in nursery, I told myself I want to be a teacher. Back then, I really love my nursery teacher. She made me happy when I was attending class. Even though it was a mere two hours. As I grow older, I learnt how to watched TV serials, and I remember telling my Mum that I want to be a lawyer when I grow up. All this were my dreams, my ambitions. I have always believe in the saying If there's a will, there's a way.
But somehow along the line, in my Secondary education, I lost them all. I indulged in the worldly fun and got my life into a total mess. That not even I could entangle it. I lost my goal; my dream; my ambition.
Now that I'm a girl, sixteen going to seventeen, I have learnt to make decisions on my own; choosing what I want and not what my parents wants. Often, I have to bear with all the choices my Dad raised to me and I would get so frustrated about it.
I never know turning seventeen would mean so much. I never know this road of seventeen could have brought so much changes to my maturity, mentality and my life. I never know I have to go through so much hurts, comments and glances people have on me. Sometimes healing them makes me cry even more, makes me isolate myself from others even more and being more aggressive.
That Sunday's conversation wasn't for nothing. They unveiled so much of how he had felt towards me the last five years. It wasn't easy when I ask of letting me go. I bite my lips and my heart turned sour and calloused as I say them out. The step to that four walled room was different that day - it means of independent and stepping into a high level of maturity.
The words that had came out from his mouth brought so much sadness and disappointment to me. If I say that I wasn't affected, I would be lying. Because even up till today, as I was telling Ms Tan, I cried. Nothing has hurt me as much as this.
Words. They are both harmless and harmful - depending on how you would use it. And now I wonder, when will this wound of mine be healed.
maoed.]
at 9:42 PM
